Three More Band Names and Some Friday Deep Cuts

Three Band Names and Three Random Cuts

Photo for CC by Gordon Correll

A few more band names, and how the phrases actually came up in my life:
Mexican Toothbrush (My nephew is extremely proud of an extremely regular toothbrush he happened to have acquired in Mexico.)
Pubic Saroo (What I said out loud when the main character of Lion became a grown man.)
Rustic Sucker Punch (Actual phrase in an episode of Twin Peaks.)
Now that we've covered that, a few more thoughts:

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 - There are few certainties in life. Here is one of them: If you ask me to cover some food with Saran wrap, I will mess it up intensely. It generally ends with me sweaty and exasperated with a dish half-covered in a crinkly train wreck.

- I need to start asking for a to-go box before I even order food at restaurants. Once I’m full, if I don’t immediately get calories 2200-4000 out of sight, I’ll end up eating them anyway.

- At a recent party to celebrate my goddaughter’s First Communion, some relatives and I were discussing the various houses we lived in during college (seemed like the appropriate time and place for this conversation). I recounted how my then-five-year-old niece started bawling immediately upon entry to my senior-year house: I can’t imagine why she wasn’t comfortable amid half-naked chubby guys, a sludge-covered floor, dozens of empty beer bottles, a palpable lack of pest control, and a general odor of irresponsibility. Here's a screenplay of an average day in that house:

• Me: "I'm drunk."
• Roommate: "Same."

The End.
Anyway, my brother-in-law chimed in that he never really lived in a house like that, that the house he and his Division I soccer teammates lived in was actually pretty nice. Gee, it must be nice to be athletic AND mature.

Here’s what I imagined his annoying house like:

• Bro One comes in the front door, shirtless and glistening with sweat after an early-morning run.
• Bro Two yells from the kitchen, “Hey Bri, great timing! I made you an egg-white omelette!”
• Bro Two enters the kitchen, where he high-fives Bro One and pats him on the rear. “You’re the best, Jimmy.” He pours himself a glass of cold-pressed plum juice and digs in. “What are you doing with the rest of your Saturday?”
• Bro One: “I’ll probably clean the bathrooms after water polo with the boys. Then a cappella group tonight!”
• Bro Two: “You’re the best, dude. I’ll catch you after my dinner with my grandparents.”
• Then maybe they start making out.

The End.

​Ugh. What overachievers.